


originalkoreanBL

by BlackLabel



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not Beta Read, Past Regrets, highly confused, mentions of porn, mini chapters, showho, slowburn?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:56:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 4,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackLabel/pseuds/BlackLabel
Summary: Hyunwoo's lack of self-awareness might run deeper than he thinks. Unfortunately for him, an epiphany is just one click away.alt. Hyunwoo stumbles upon a little a gem that unleashes his innermost immoral desires that so happen to revolve around a certain pale-skinned teammate.





	1. hide

_There's nothing but skin between them, Hyunwoo can feel every ounce of arousal simmering in his veins. It's a drug that keeps him at the edge of his insanity, right at the tip of his most immoral desires. Even so, the sight beneath him ruins him and not even the prayers of a million saints can convince him to look away. His dreams can never replicate those glass eyes but those moist lips hanging open is enough to make up for it. He watches intently as the furious blushes creep lower and lower till Hyunwoo is staring at the pretty pert nipple. Like rose petal against silk, the urge to caress it is unbearable. He wants to touch it, rub it between the pads of his fingers and ultimately taste it. Just a little flicker of his tongue, not too much but just enough to elicit that low whine he adores so much. He wants to hear the sound that plague his fantasies on the daily, to feel the rush course through his body at the steady speed of the low moan._

_High pitch and whiney then jagged and low._

_It sets every nerve alight._

_“Hyunwoo...” his name never felt as heavy as it did leave those lips, he wants to hear it again and again._

_“Hyunwoo-ah,” his addiction was as real as the filth he's drowning in._

_It's wrong, everything about this wrong but why can't he just look away? He shouldn't be here, perched between those legs, staring at those lips, skin to skin with the image of his teammate._

_The more he panics, the closer his fantasy comes to wrap itself around him. They're chest to chest, the closest he's ever let himself go. He feels the lips skim across his throat. Then there's a puff hot hair hurling a spike of sensitivity throughout his body. A sensation so vivid, Hyunwoo thinks he might just burst into oblivion. The past ministrations didn’t feel anything like this, not this vivid, not this overwhelming._

“Hyunwoo,”

He awakes with a gasp, his eyes honing on the pink lips hovering above him instantly.

“You’re finally awake,” Hoseok offers him a toothy smile, his dark hair falling over his eyes like a fluffy puppy.

He was, not that he wanted to be but he was,” What’s the time?”

It’s the only thing he can say in this state. He didn’t really care, he just needed something to distract the other as he bunched the duvet at his pelvis to hide his boner.

“I don’t know,” Hoseok gaze flickers around as he thinks,” But Kihyun said you should go bath. In the meantime, I can wake Hyungwon up.”

That’s usually Hyunwoo’s job but he was in no condition attend to his fellow sloth members, much like the mornings before. Gratefully, Hoseok was never one to pry, he just took the task upon himself without the slightest hesitation.

Hyunwoo of course knew, if he ever did ask Hoseok, the younger would just reinstate that he wanted to be useful to Hyunwoo. He never liked how Hoseok sounded when he said that, it always reaffirmed that he felt he wasn’t doing enough.

Hyunwoo thought Hoseok was doing plenty, more than he needed to but what good was saying it when Hoseok never really listened.

Seemed like Hyunwoo was never any good when it came to Hoseok, like right now. Safe inside the bathroom, he lets his boner spring free from his sleeping shorts. He’s painfully hard and the memories of his wet dream weren’t helping. Not to mention Hoseok’s voice whispering into his ears. Hyunwoo had a feeling that part wasn’t exactly a dream. It wasn’t uncommon for Hoseok to blow warm air into his ear but the way he said Hyunwoo’s name was another story. One he needed to get rid of before the members become suspicious.

Whether it was Hyunwoo's own virtuous beliefs or the pride and dignity that accompanied the camaraderie he shared with his member, he could not bring himself to ease the burden between his legs. The thought of jerking off to the sound of Hoseok’s voice was as tempting as it was revolting.

He was barely managing to maintain a sense of normalcy as it is. If he crossed this very visible line, there was no telling how far he was going to go. How was he ever supposed to face the other again?

“Oi Hyunwoo!” Hyungwon calls out, snapping Hyunwoo out of his daze.

“Uh, yeah," he manages.

“Don’t use all the hot water like last night,” Hyunwoo can almost hear the scowl on the visual’s face.

“I’ll try,” he tries to sound natural.

That wouldn’t be a problem since he was about to endure another cold shower for the third morning this week. 


	2. seek

  
It’s like a light buzz travelling up and down his spine, his lips twitching as he fights back a shy smile. The natural lilt of the voice mixed with the nasal technique achieved a blend that was sweet and airy enough for Hyunwoo to both taste and smell. Hyunwoo can't quite describe the things Hoseok's voice does to him.

He can only endure so much till he excuses himself from the studio room, not missing Hoseok’s concerned gaze from the booth. He was without a doubt going to be questioned about this and it’s not like he can be honest.

If he were to be honest, it would be along the lines of something like _’sorry, I had to leave the room because your voice arouses me.’_

Which would lead to the, _‘looks like I’m gay.’_

Just thinking about it is agonizing. How did it even come to this? Sure, he always had a weak spot for Hoseok’s singing. It was such a stark contrast to his talking voice, Hyunwoo loved listening to his pitch raise.

“Woo,” Hyunwoo swallows as he turns to Hoseok’s head poking out of the door,”You okay?”

Hyunwoo can’t help but smile at his tone, the drop, the way the bass in Hoseok’s voice would mellow out and he would sound so sweet, so soft. It wasn’t often he got to hear it but he didn’t mind. He preferred it this way. It stroked his idiotic pride, he enjoyed being the only person that Hoseok shared this vibe with. The younger was confident, shameless and pretty loud with most of the members but when it was just the two of them, all his frills would seemingly fall away. It’s like there was a side to Hoseok that only revealed itself to Hyunwoo and Hyunwoo alone.

“I’m fine,” he wasn’t, his heart was pounding away inside his chest and for once, the member between his legs had nothing to do with it.


	3. hearsay

“Hyung?” Changkyun whose sprawled out on the ground, looks up at Hyunwoo,”You think Hoseok is gay?”

It’s only the two of them, Hyunwoo waking up to an almost empty dorm.

“I don’t know,” Hyunwoo replies, his eyes glued to his tablet.

The maknae hums and continues to watch the leader. For a slight second Hyunwoo thinks he might have slipped up, he can feel Changkyun’s eyes judging him. Then again, it could have nothing to do with him. Changkyun could have very well already made up his mind about Hoseok’s sexuality. Hyunwoo wasn’t going to play a part in anybody’s assumption.

Unless they were his own and without a doubt, he believed Hoseok was gay.

Unlike Changkyun and the other’s suspicion, his assumption had nothing to do with Hoseok’s tendencies. Actually, Hyunwoo based his belief of the sole drunk story Hoseok had shared with him one night. It had been far from a confession but that’s what made it all the more believable.

Even before their debut, there was speculation concerning Hoseok's wild-child behaviour. Of lately, however, there was a particular rumor regarding Hoseok's ex now being a transsexual man. Hyunwoo had read some comments explaining that they, the article's author, had the wrong person and the other female in the photos was the one dating Hoseok. Whatever the truth was, Hyunwoo found the photos unsettling. Either way, there was no way he was going to confront Hoseok about the matter. Being casual was not one of his strong points and he wasn’t too keen on validating his suspicion.

Acknowledging homosexuality, let alone embracing it was problematic enough to endanger their careers. Hyunwoo didn't even want to entertain the thought, not as an idol nor as the leader of Monsta X.

Not that he was given the choice. After a night of heavy drinking, Hoseok had come undone as he usually did under the spell of alcohol. It turned out Hyunwoo was close but not quite right. So happens that Hoseok wasn’t really dating any of them but they were dating each other. Hoseok was just dating the other chick as a cover-up as he hid his own feelings for his own best friend. So he did have feelings for the Daeun, the now trans model but they were unrequited.

It sounded like something straight out of a k-drama. They were almost at the end when three simple words spun the whole story around.

_‘i loved him,’_ Hoseok had confessed so sullenly, Hyunwoo wanted to shove more alcohol down his throat, anything to make him feel better.

Only to come face to face with the reality of what was entrusted to him.

‘I loved him,'

I. Loved. Him.

Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.


	4. hentai

Waking up to anything other than Hoseok’s voice could only mean one thing; they have the day off and he might be solo in the dorms. Blinking away the sleep, he soon encounters lanky legs from above as Hyungwon slips off the bunk with the grace of a tipsy panda.

“Hyung, “ he hums as he rubs his eyes, only to find Hoseok is not in his bunk. It’s only natural to look for Hoseok, he’s the only early riser in the room.

“We must have the day off,”Hyunwoo offers, startling the visual.

Hyungwon can only squint as he stretches out his abnormally long limbs.

It isn’t long till he too departs the dorm, eager to do whatever a sloth does.

Hyunwoo however, is pretty much content in the pillowy comfort. Now only if could shake the image of Hoseok’s glistened body sprawled across the gym floor out of his head.

It’s almost like deja vu, except back then he wasn't horny for his friend and sure as hell wasn’t pondering the idea of jacking-off in his said friend’s empty bed.

Now that he thinks about it, that day had marked the beginning of all this sinning because of he can't recall wondering how Hoseok's nipples taste before then.

There were too many things that happened that day that could have triggered it. One is the not so profound epiphany of his homosexuality.

_(flashback)_

_There was no drama, just him alone in the dorms with a rare case of morning glory. He can’t be all too surprised though, it had been a long time till he had any sexual release. Considering the privacy they were afforded, jacking off wasn't exactly tempting. So he's a little reluctant to take up his phone and indulge in a little free porn. Considering how long ago his last release was, he's not expecting this to last long._

_Tissue in hand, he's not so pleasantly surprised when his boner persists._

_Straight porn just wasn't cutting it and even with his acute awareness of his experimental sexuality, Hyunwoo was not keen on gay porn. Until now, his little homosexual urges had been tucked away for a safer day but if he had to really get off on gay porn then he might as well be committed to it._

_To be gay, is there anything more to it than being interested in guys?_

_Still, when he searches for gay porn, he's unceremoniously put off by the preview images. It makes him wonder was he even on the right track, maybe he was jumping to conclusion or so he thinks till he lands on a clip titled ‘ thai twink cam’._

_He can only barely make out a lean boy spread out on a wooden floor, waist narrow with a hairless crotch and pink nipples. That was as far as he went because God knows, the guy looked way too young. Heart racing, he continues to scroll but the image was pretty much imprinted in his memory and fuck was he tempted to scroll right back up._

_That’s when he finds it, amongst all the cam show clips; a bright animated image. He didn’t quite understand what a cartoon would be doing on a porn site but the title piqued his interest._

_Originalkorean.blhentai_

_It wasn’t long till the screen starts loading and Hyunwoo waits, vaguely still interested. Much like the preview clip, it’s fully animated but nothing like the cartoons he’s ever watched. It’s ridiculous at first but his palming his hardened length before he knows it. He hadn’t even held out to the end, the phone had been discarded aside as he listens to the lewd moans and cries. It’s enough to send him spilling over the edge and that was that. He was gay and just jacked off to a gay cartoon._

Lying in bed now, he winces at the memory. His mind tends to flicker back to the video now and again, only when the arousal gets really bad and he needs to get his mind of Hoseok.

Right now, it’s not enough and he gives in to his demons. He fidgeted with his phone, using his history’s browser to find the video and this time, he makes sure to download it.

He’s barely halfway when he comes undone onto his blankets. Thick white spurts dripping off his hand. The mess he made stands testament to just how long he’s been holding back.

Even then, in his post-orgasmic haze, he hears the main character crying and the scene springs to life in his head. It’s not long till he's back to his full hardness and undoing himself again. Much too desperate, much too lustful to dismiss the thoughts of Hoseok mewling beautifully below him. He unconsciously crosses the line of no return and he can only rest assured that all hell will let loose.


	5. open

Since his last little act of self-love, Hyunwoo finds the tables turned. Hyunwoo had once gone out of his way to create a sense of normalcy, even to the extent of creating some distance between Hoseok and himself when he felt even the slightest bit vulnerable. Now, he was unable to look away, not when it's safe or when it's unsafe. From the smallest of gestures to the most skin-baring moments in the change room, he just couldn’t tear his eyes away. Enjoying it even more, when Hoseok’s cheeks would pinken at the attention. The one good thing about his robotic nature is that people tend not to question him but rather assume a much more plausible reason for your behaviour.- it leaves plenty of space for assumptions.

Even his members let it go by unnoticed. Well, most of them, everyone except Kihyun.

“You’re staring again,” he states curtly as he removes his jacket.

Without a doubt, Hyunwoo surely had been and pretty shamelessly too.

The mini vocalist doesn’t say more than that and Hyunwoo is grateful, he’s unsure how he would react if Kihyun actually wanted an explanation.

But the seed had been planted, If Kihyun had any inkling of what was going on in his head, then others would too. That was alarming to say the least.


	6. loser

Sure enough, the planted seed had come into full bloom when the sun was the highest in the sky.

It was their first day in Australia. The vast blue sky mirrored in the endless blue sea is so surreal, Hyunwoo wants to dive in.

A little past midday and with the strain of flying for a good several hours, everyone was keen on sightseeing. Hyunwoo being no exception. That being said, he has absolutely no idea how he ended up with Jooheon and their manager at a restaurant alongside the harbor.

It was pleasant enough. The overall carefree nature of the environment, the cool breeze, Hyunwoo was tempted to set up camp here and never return back to Korea.

The waiter politely sets down their drinks and Hyunwoo doesn’t miss the way Jooheon scrunches up his nose at Hyunwoo’s choice of poison.

“I didn’t take you for a beer drinker?” The manager comments as he and Jooehon sip at their ice tea.

He shrugs it off. It didn’t consider himself one as well but then again, it was something he rarely ever drank if not with Hoseok. They had spent numerous free days in the gym working themselves into exhaustion. It had been a good year or two since they’ve created this pattern, since Hoseok had invited him to unwind. Unwinding ultimately meaning enjoying a beer or two on the roof of their dorm building as discreetly as they can. It was nice, just lazing around underneath the afternoon glow accompanied by the cool breeze caressing their sweat-slicked bodies. Of course, this was swapped for a light jog and a coffee on the colder days. That was nice too.

Then again, anything with Hoseok was nice.

“Can I taste?” Jooeheon sounds shy and Hyunwoo has to swallow down his chuckle.

Even if Changkyun was their maknae, Jooehon would eternally have a special dongsaeng position in Hyunwoo’s heart.

Jooheon waits for a nod and slowly brings the bottle up to his lips. He doesn’t seem pleased by the smell and Hyunwoo almost wants to discourage him but the expectant look on their manager's faces holds him back.

He takes half a sip and pauses for a second like he's almost thinking about it before his lips pull into a fine line and he abandons the bottle on the table.

Their manager laughs out loud and Hyunwoo guiltily joins in as Jooheon’s facial expression gets more comical.

“That is horrible,” he finally manages after gulping down half of his ice tea,”How do you and Hoseok even drink that stuff?”

Hyunwoo doesn’t have an answer for him, so he just retrieves his bottle and continues sipping.

He had thought he had been careful, he really did but obviously, it hadn’t been enough.

“What’s up with you and Hoseok anyway?” Jooheon asks as casually as he can but Hyunwoo knows better.

Jooeheon takes up a peculiar type of tone when he's talking about the members, a tone reserved for gossiping. Ever since Hyunwoo’s complications and infatuation with Hoseok’s voice, he had been noticing little details about other people’s vocals.

“Nothing,” he answers.

“Oh really," the manager comments sarcastically.

“The two of you have been weird,” Jooheon adds, sounding genuinely concerned this time,” You’ve actually been spending more time with me. Not that I mind! it’s just unusual.”

If anything, Jooheon had rejoiced. In terms of maturity, he felt he was lagging behind the members, Changkyun as well. To be acknowledged by Hyunwoo as a friend and not just a peer was something that he dearly treasured.

Somewhere along the line, Hyunwoo had slipped up. A visible mistake for even Jooheon to notice but a subtle enough one for Kihyun not to bring to his attention. Hyunwoo really had thought too much of his robotic nature. Even if he kept his feelings for Hoseok under wraps, there had been no way to explain the distance he was trying to put between them. Then again, with his habit of staring, he really couldn’t afford not to create distance between them. There was no win-win solution, he had to deal with the consequences of his selfish desires.

but right now, he couldn't help but wonder if Jooheon had inserted himself in Hyunwoo’s plan for that very reason. What if his junior thought he required some kind of comfort or guidance, something Jooheon felt Hyunwoo couldn’t turn to Hoseok for. It wasn’t a far-off concept, Jooheon had proven to be surprisingly sensitive.

Hyunwoo didn’t enjoy being treated like a child and he detested troubling his juniors even more. He was their Hyung, he was the one that should take care of them, not the other way around.

“You don’t have to worry about me,” he says curtly, maybe little too bluntly because Jooheon looks a little panicky.

“I mean, there’s no problem between Hoseok and I and you don’t need to babysit me," okay, that was uncalled for but once out in the air, he couldn't really take it back.

“That’s not what I was doing..” the rapper mumbles under his breath but Hyunwoo acts like he didn’t hear.

Jooheon didn’t deserve that and Hyunwoo knew that fully well but he was angry, mostly with himself. He had no intention of drawing in his member into his little sexual crisis and yet he had obliviously done just that. It didn’t matter that they didn’t know the details, he shouldn’t have created any means for concerns in the first place.

He had to apologize but the fear of the topic arising again holds him back and he hates himself even more.

It reaffirms that he was incapable of prioritizing the team's needs above his own selfishness.


	7. mistakes

As if reading the situation the entire time, their manager allocates Hyunwoo and Hoseok to the same room. The leader goes to great lengths not to surveys his member’s reaction and heads up silently, Hoseok right behind him.

This was probably the worst turn of events and he can't help but want to strangle his manager. That bastard was probably taking some kind of revenge on Jooheon's part. Hyunwoo still winced at the memory. Everyone was well aware of Jooheon’s sensitivity and lord knows, Hyunwoo felt like shit for treating his favourite dongsaeng like that. Maybe he can win back the rapper’s affection with cap or something, maybe take him for ice-cream. Much like the child Hyunwoo mistakes Jooheon for, he was easy to appease.

“Woo,” Hoseok sing songs, a smirk on his lips.

Hyunwoo bets Hoseok is the highly vocal type in bed, probably the type to never shut up for a second, much like the character in that damn cartoon.

“Hmm,”

“Let’s drink, come on, It’s just you and me,” he plops himself on his bed, his hair falling away from his forehead.

All the more reason they shouldn’t drink,” you know we have an early start tomorrow.”

“So,” the younger lies back,”Not like we can’t handle it. Anyway, along as Kihyun is in good shape. We’re safe.”

It was common knowledge that the vocal quality of their group relied on Kihyun’s shoulder but that didn’t mean the rest weren’t as important.

“Hoseok," Hyunwoo warns firmly.

Yes, they were friends but they were also members and Hyunwoo was his leader.

“I’m just stating the obvious but okay, be a grumpy old man,” Hoseok pouts and enters the bathroom, leaving Hyunwoo to unpack.

Tense, Hyunwoo blames the unfortunate room arrangement for the tension that’s been strung between his shoulder blades

When the younger comes back, he doesn’t spare the leader so much as a glance but dives straight into bed which works in Hyunwoo’s favour. The last thing he needs to add to this ordeal is Hoseok catching him perving over his creamy white thighs.

From the bathroom, Hyunwoo could see the visual fiddle with his phone and eventually plug it in to charge. After brushing his teeth and washing his face, Hyunwoo soon decides to hit the beds himself. Of course, at this point, Hoseok is still ignoring him which is amazing because it’s near impossible for Hoseok to sleep before eleven and it’s only half nine. Hyunwoo wonders how much longer he can hold out without his phone to distract him.

Then again, he really could be serious about ignoring Hyunwoo.

Sighing dramatically, Hyunwoo tosses his phone onto the younger’s bed.

Only minutes later, in the darkness of the hotel room does Hyunwoo see the pool of light pouring out of his phone, the sound of Hoseok tapping away at some game fills the air.

Peace offering accepted.

Or at least he thought so but then why he does he wake up to an empty room?


	8. pep talk

Time, there never seems to be enough of it for Hyunwoo to confront Hoseok and they're already back in South Korea. Things have been a little more than awkward and it was no longer one-sided. Hoseok had gone out of his way to avoid Hyunwoo at all costs which meant he busied himself with whichever member that would entertain him.

In the end, Hyunwoo assured himself that he would address the matter when they went back home. He knew it was only about time till one of the members questioned him and he was not looking forward to that. Sure, he wasn’t sure what was really up between them but he couldn't lie and feign ignorance, not after the likelihood of Jooheon reporting back about the incident at the restaurant.

The sooner he dealt it with it, the better but apparently waiting to go home was little too much to ask for.

Once out of the airport, Hyunwoo wastes no time and sprawls himself out in the back seat of the car. Their manager is inside waiting on the delayed luggage, so the members have taken the opportunity to walk off the fatigue. The only thing Hyunwoo really needs is some downtime with his bed, preferably without any lewd dreams.

In the haze of his much-needed nap, he feels the car jerk. Squinting, he sees Kihyun holding the door with a not so friendly look on his face.

“Hyung, move,” Kihyun instructs coldly, Hyunwoo doesn’t have the energy to refuse the annoyed vocalist.

Kihyun scoots in and shuts the door promptly, allowing Hyunwoo to try the rub the tiredness away from the face.

He knows it’s coming and he hates it because he really was going to deal with the matter at hand, he doesn't need to be reminded. Now, Kihyun is going to make it look like he was running and he wasn’t!

“Want to explain or shall I just throw my two cents at you,” He offers a little more warmly but Hyunwoo knows better.

Hyunwoo just proceeds to look at him and Kihyun takes it upon himself to throw a little more than two cents at the leader.

“I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you and honestly, I don’t think I care. You know why ?” Kihyun asks and Hyunwoo only knows the answer because Kihyun reiterates the same line every couple of days.

“Because-”

“Because you mind your own business,” Hyunwoo completes, knowing damn well Kihyun has kept a tight record of all drama that occurred in the group since their days in no.mercy.-He minded everyone's business.

This was not the right time to mention that, however.

"Exactly but this is getting a little out of hand. It was fine before and I get it, the two of you are close in your alpha camaraderie kind way. Whatever happens between the two of you stays between your'll, I'm not prying... But avoiding each other, disregarding each other’s presence is a little too extra don’t you think?” Kihyun amazingly manages to sound stern and sincere.

Hyunwoo hadn’t been doing any of that, the disregarding or the ignoring. It’s just, it was always Hoseok taking the initiative to engage him and if the younger wasn’t interested then-

“I’ll answer for you," Yoo Kihyun does not have time for his clueless leader," it is, it is way too much and the two of you are way too grown for this. So, I don’t care if you ate the last protein bar or he slept with your sister. Make it right.”

The look of finality flaring up in Kihyun's eyes is challenging as if he's daring Hyunwoo to open his mouth.

“Ki,” Hyunwoo knows he shouldn’t do this but he does anyway,”I don’t have a sister.”

The mini vocalist blinks once and then twice before realizing that Hyunwoo is right,”You know what I mean.”

With that, Kihyun slips out the car, allowing Hyunwoo to catch a glimpse of Hoseok’s curious eyes peering into the car. They make eye contact for less than a millisecond before Hoseok turns away and Kihyun slams the door shut.

Sleep no longer a priority, Hyunwoo can only think about the light rose flush spreading across Hoseok’s cheeks. His minds start playing tricks on him, making believe him that just maybe his infatuation was completely one-sided.

It’s so absurd. He really needs sleep.


End file.
